I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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