Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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