I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize