while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
