everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
