Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
