do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
