she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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