in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
