Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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