i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
a search helicopter?!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
