I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
