I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
