I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
