I've blown a few things in my day
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
