Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
