dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
