So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
