I showed him my bush... on skype.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
