this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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