saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
