its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
