All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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