I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
