Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
