I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
