you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
