why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
