What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
