This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
