Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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