Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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