ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
