The maid of honor just puked.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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