My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
