Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
