Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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