uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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