I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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