I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
