I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
