I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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