forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
This house was built for laser tag.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm always down for nudity.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
