I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
