So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
