Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
