after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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