How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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