Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just want to make out with him forever
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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