I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I am midnight drunk by noon
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
