I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize