You made me cry and you don't even care
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
And then he peed in my hair
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