So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
