Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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