The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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