Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
