Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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