i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
