Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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