So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I need water and some morals
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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