she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
