i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
