i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm really busy with my period
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