there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
