If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Do vagina's smell?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
