I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
