it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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