After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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