You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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