Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
