bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize