I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize