it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
