MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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