I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
