its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I FOUND THE LEGS
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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