Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.

(1-310): View more from California

ewwww. she might as well have a dick.

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(813): View more from Florida

i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex

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(347): View more from New York

sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.

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(817): View more from Texas

I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.

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(315): View more from New York

I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours

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(618): View more from Illinois

If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.

(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Who knew?

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