maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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