READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
