That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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