the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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