he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
