I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
