I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
