They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
