fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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