My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
