I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
