kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize