She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize