All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
