well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
