I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
