there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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