PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
