For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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