why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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