6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
