I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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