I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
