There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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