tell your sister to shave her snatch
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
