Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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