First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
