what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
