Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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