we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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